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Why Hollywood is Better Than Bollywood?

Warning: The following article is not for the faint of heart. If you cannot take any sort of criticism directed towards your favorite actors, movies or an entire movie industry, please do not proceed, and leave the website.

Premise

We all know that Bollywood is a copying machine of Hollywood in the Subcontinent that produces a few good eggs every now and then. These good eggs are on top of a heap of movies that are poorly directed, written and acted. What’s wrong with Bollywood? You’ll have to dodge the answers that comes your way like a shower of arrows in Kurukshetra. Because anybody that are at a spitting distance from you will throw random words at you as soon as you ask this question. So, get ready to get to know the top three reasons (I feel) that are keeping Bollywood in an imaginary cage that is far behind Hollywood. And you’d be surprised to see Nepotism isn’t one of them.

#3 Shitty Stories

No surprises here. Bollywood is full of’em. When it comes to stories, Bollywood is like a scrap merchant that don’t like new stories at all. The same ‘girl falls in love with a guy’ stories are in every theater that I can’t even watch good movies in this genre because of this fucking half-assed recycling. Thugs is the largest movie produced this year! This statement should either be wrong or all the Raj's, Kapoor's and Khan's should realize that they are actually watching the world in a VR headset that feels beautiful but actually is not. Writers shaped our civilizations. We were writing stories since there was ever writing. From the guy who carved the first stone tablet, the guys who wrote the (un)Holy Books, the guy who wrote the code for this website, the guy who wrote the constitution that gives us freedom of writing. We always had the inspiration to write new things. We just gotta find it without raping every story with the idea of this superhumans that we have in our imagination as STARS.

Tummbad - Now that’s what I call a true Bollywood movie. The movie is an artform that should be taught at Kher’s academy. It has a genuinely intelligent story that doesn’t require more than a handful of cast, definitely didn’t needed any ‘once a big star’ cameo and it is an instant classic. The story of Tummbad is so captivating that you know what’s gonna happen next, still you’ll jump from your seats in excitement when it happens. The satisfying sense of ‘I told you so’ was mixed in a right dose for this movie. If you don’t think the movie isn’t that good, think again. You’re gonna regret it after 15 years when it’s gonna be a classic and your offspring talks about it. It’s our greatest flaw (as humans) that we don’t recognize greatness or lunacy even if it’s right in front of us. We let Hitler rose to the power, we are belittling Elon Musk now. That’s how we run.

#2 RIP Producers

Not actual death… more like a demise of their power or say in the movies. Disney, Yash Raj, Rama Naidu, Dil Raju… these are the successful producers who arguably has the more success to failure ratio in Indian movie Industry. Why Hollywood is better than Bollywood Disney owns the Box office. Many might (not) know that ‘Marvel Studios’ is a part of Disney. Yash Raj… the iconic producer of the last century made YRF possible. Dr. Rama Naidu built a Film Studio for the newly shifted Tollywood and produced many hits for the now legends of Tollywood. And Dil Raju is undoubtedly the best producer Tollywood has seen in the past two decades. Producer is the first guy who asks the basic question “Hmm. should this movie allowed to be made”. Not only because he has the money, but also he has the best interest of everybody that works for him. Recognizing a director’s potential is the best characteristic you can find in any good producer. Producer is the guy that gives the artists money to improve their skills while making them work. Stories, all-star cast, foreign locations, 30 vehicles destroyed in a 30 second chase, a movie can have all of these and still fail. So it’s the producer’s judgement that counts if the director can actually deliver what he has promised?? Or if the director’s just painting a dick on his forehead.

#1 Indian Audience

Where should I start???? Everything is wrong with the Indian audience. And I mean EVERY… FUCKING…. THING!

From the guys we hail, to the songs we sing. Pick anything about an average Indian audience, I can show how depraved and fucked up it is at core level. So starting with the largest reason they watch movies…. Hero. A guy hunts majestic animals for fun, publicly hits his girlfriend at a party, gets drunk and drives on footpaths (allegedly) and still he’s being Human-ely, awesomely, surprisingly called "BHAI!" by everyone. His movies are blockbuster even though most of them are straight up lifted from Tollywood or any other wood that don’t matter. What does this say about an Average Indian Audience? I really am dumbstruck to find the words (if any) at all.

Now, Songs! I understand Music has a really big part in our history. From the times when we were tribesmen and we used to sit around the fire and dance Kumbaya, till we upgraded to Dandiya or some other shit. But, songs don't have a place in a movie unless it is beautifully placed like ‘Hakuna Matata’ in ‘Lion King’. One or two? I can understand. I don’t about others, but, I certainly don’t have time to waste on how the character is feeling when hers pet dies or when his girlfriend leaves him. Finish the fucking movie already!!! I have other shit to do... I understand I might be being insensitive to a large majority. But please ask yourselves, if the actor can’t act out his feelings properly, he has to sing or dance in a weird way to express himself when anything remotely interesting happens in his very exciting “life”, is he worth his salt?

Why Hollywood is Better Than Bollywood?

And the list goes on…. elaborate fights, lengthy conversations that end up as fucking highways for a punch dialogue, angry villains, clingy moms, creepy uncles, nosy neighbor. These people should be filtered out before they it make to the silver screen. Even if they make it, it’s your duty to filter down the pissy rain they call movie releases and watch the ones that deems worthy of our time. If not, you might not have any credibility when you bitch about how Dhoom 17 movie sucks.

Conclusion

The most useless tool we have to filtering things down is prejudice. We take on the world of information everyday while shielding ourselves with prejudice. For a change, leave your prejudice at home once. The interesting new things out there might surprise you. Relate them to the genre you want. Watch foreign movies too. Movies won’t change unless the targeted audience does. So go out there and watch some new shit. You’ll see the picture more clearly. I (can’t) guarantee it!

-An Editorial by Suhel Abdulla
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